it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Randomize
