he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Vodka?
Forever.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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