I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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