I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
