just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
