Can i not drive my cunt home
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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