I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
