But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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