Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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