Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
It's never too late to be topless.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
