I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
