I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
