Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
