I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
