A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
