just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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