Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
This is the high leading the old right now
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
