Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
