hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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