i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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