woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize