Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
