He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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