party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
