Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
