my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I am naked and annoyed.
Randomize
