Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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