last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
