Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Randomize
