I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
did i just pee glitter
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