some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
