mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Found your dick twin last night
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
