She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
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