I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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