i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
