you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
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