Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
