nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
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