you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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