Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
