Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize