listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
