I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
