is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
