rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
