He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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