She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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