I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Every concussion has its silver lining
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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