your thong is hanging out like whoa
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
