You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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