I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
