you have to choose: penises or morals?
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
