I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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