Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
