our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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