dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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