U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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