How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
