Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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