She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
