Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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