Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Randomize
