It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
