In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
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