There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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