well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Randomize
