found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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