I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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