I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize