When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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