suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
