saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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