wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Randomize
