saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
