The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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