foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
He did a backflip because drugs
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
