I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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