DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I've blown a few things in my day
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize