I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize