The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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