We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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