I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
