i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Never underestimate the power of titties
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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