BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
you will always have a special place in my vag
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Randomize