i jhust puked up my retainher.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Randomize
