I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
vagina is talking i cant
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I AM VODKA MAN
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
