at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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