I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
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