he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
