So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
