hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Randomize
