I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
