two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
