Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
