Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
