So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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