Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
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