i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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