Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
