i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
