your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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