I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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