Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
