I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
