i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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