i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
