I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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